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Trash Talk IS Cheap

Sara Durcholz

Posted on January 23 2018

Women are catty. How many times have you heard that growing up or have experienced it over and over again? (Yeah, I see you raising your hands.) While it might be true that women are fierce protectors….protectors of life, love, and creativity, we've been turning those nasty little phrases on their head here recently. Movements like #communityovercompetition and even the #metoo have done a very vital action to our womanhood, it's brought us together.

Women, especially in business, often feel like they gotta go at it like savages, take no prisoners, and fight to the death to weed out competition. I’ve been there personally.  A new store opening up?  Defense.  Another store starts carrying one of my brands?  WHY?!...cue the defense.  But the consequences of this type of business strategy leave us feeling drained, lonely, and defensive. It’s not pretty, and I’m speaking from a hefty amount of experience.

So why have we created this war within our group? Most would say jealousy. Damaged self-confidence, feeling of self-loathing and insecurities, lead us down this path of jealousy that rears its ugly head through judgement of others and trash talking of others. Spreading the negative and not uplifting the positive is our biggest weakness and biggest opportunity loss. And the truth is, trash talk is cheap. It harms our own reputation, and diminishes the growth of ourselves and others.

What is left is fragmented power. If we've learned anything from watching groups of women stand up together and say, “no, we won't allow this”, is that there is incredible power in togetherness. Not only are the feelings of loneliness, exhaustion, and doubt extinguished, but the action of one is multiplied. There's far better reach as a group.

So where do we even start to fight this monster. Here's our top five ways to embrace each other and move forward together.

  1. Let your walls down. If you're going to let people in, you have to be vulnerable. You have to be honest, and you have to show those less than perfect areas of yourself. You MUST allow yourself to be seen as that less than perfect person that you are. This allows others to not only feel relatable, but comfortable to be open to you.  We’ve become so accustomed to only showing the pretty and happy part of our lives on social media, but the reality is, that’s not life.  Put your heart out there and say “Hey there!  This is who I am and I’m proud of it!”
  2. Stop the trash talk. You don't have to love everyone in this life. There's still some pretty crappy people out there, but you don't have to participate in the spreading of negativity. You have to really guard your words and ask yourself, “Are my words defining my character?” The harsh truth is trash talking says more about you than it does about the other.  
  3. Be supportive. When you see someone struggling, reach out to them. Offer support. Send kind words. Share your own experiences. When I decided to close my Owensboro location, I received so many supportive and kind words and a lot of them from people I wasn’t expecting. I was so surprised and so uplifted during a very hard decision in my life.  Did I need it?  No, but I will tell you it was SO nice and it left my heart and soul feeling at peace.
  4. Celebrate. It's not just about being there when someone’s down, you have to be there when they are up too. You must celebrate successes. Do that happy dance with them!  Tell them great job, good luck, and best wishes. Send them notes, little gifts, and shoutouts on social media. Just make sure you're saying, “I see you killin’ it, and congrats!”
  5. Be present. Showing up for others in person is important. There's nothing more uplifting to someone than to walk into their store opening or concert or show or event. When you can, make an effort to support with your presence. You'd want the same, so give it first.

When we all start doing this, imagine the places we’ll go and grow. Relationships heal, businesses grow, movements make change. Show some love to another female in your life and tag us! We want to see #communityovercompetition and #womensupportingwomen.

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